Whole month of Holiday in Sabah!

My whole month of unpaid leave, I spend my holiday at home. Nenad came with me for a few days... He always wanted to know how Kaamatan feels like .. so I brought him back to Sabah for the 2nd time. We arrived a week before kaamatan, and oh ! I have forgotten the feeling of kaamatan already! My brother opened a 3/10 stall (gerai numbur 7) in Hongkod Koisaan where all the action was.
In the midst of the celebration I get to bring Nenad with yeye to go to the Island for some relaxing time on the beach ... :) some relaxing time it was ... the only time we actually get to be calm and in peaceful mode again. The sun and the water compliments us well ...:)






After that relaxing hours on the beach I was outof no where became an interviewer for the Unduk Ngadau Contestant when they were getting ready for the Gala Night Dinner in the Hotel Ball room. My Friend David insisted for me to do it for him and I just cant say NO, so I did.
For that few days , we've been hanging around in the stall ... and I became the "tukang masak" ndak rasmi for the stall, on the BIG day itself, I did become the tukang masak hahhaha. But I had time as well to bring Nenad to go around the area although the poor guy was feeling so hot and sweaty hahahha .. but he enjoyed it. He was even invited to sit with all the VIPs in the Lotud House to share their meals .... He really made an impression on everybody wherever he goes ... especially when he sang "sayang kinabalu" and wow everybody at Felix Agus and Othoe SuriaFm tent.

It was a hectic and fun week ... but going back on the 1st day I came to Sabah .. and I was craving for Hinata the traditional dish from my tribe.... and without wasting time ... I started to make some Hinata myself .. right after I cut the grass in my mum's yard ...... I thought I already lost the grip ... but I still have it baby ! and it feels good to go back to basic ...although my mum was screaming at me in the phone ....when my aunt told her that I was doing that hahaha ...

And then after kaamatan .... We went back to Tambunan to meet the family there ... :) My grandma was so happy to see everyone was there to see and be with her. And she was pleased to see Nenad again for the second time.
We had a nice little dinner prepared by my mum and my aunt ... and Nenad and uncle Bill( my American uncle) my aunt Flora's husband was preparing some of their specialties ..... Bread and Meat Loaf.. We had dinner of mixture of Sabahan and European and Western style .. it was weird ... but no doubt it was so yummy..

We danced sumazau and Nenad and Uncle Bill had their chance to show their ability to dance the Sumazau with help from Sis. Judith.At the end of the night.... we took a picture of all of us together. It was a night definitely to remember forever... :)

The next day we went back to KK to celebrate Kaamatan. It was a fun but tiring event for me and everybody else ... :) so that goes back to the 1st session of this blog ... :) sorry about that ....

Other than Kaamatan we had the chance to visit the Linangkit Cultural Village in Tuaran.... And Nenad took a great picture of me acting like i was cooking using the old school cooking place... :) .. And it was a nice feeling to introduce my culture to Nenad as I was with his Culture ....

And thats some of the trips details I had with Nenad ... Well sadly Nenad had to leave and go back to Dubai ... and Leave me in Sabah to continue the journey :(... It was sad.. but I manages to pull myself together and managed to do something productive ... like having my Driving License sort out finally!!!!!!!! and I got my license in less than 10 days ... :) and was driving around ever since hahhahah ....

We went back to Tambunan to attend the wedding of my aunt ...I became a "Mak andam terjun" on my aunts big day .... Its just that she didnt have any proper make up artist for the big day ... so I sincerely volenteered to help out with whatever skills I had .... :) and thank God it worked out! yay

Stayed a weekend there with all of the family... feels good to have everybody around.

Well so far thats it guys ... sorry if I dont really tell the stories nice enough... its just that its almost 3am here and I am getting a little blocked with inspiration ... Anyways ... I hope this is enough and happy reading!

Petronella's lyrics - "So Damn Lucky"

I looked around me
I never thought that this could be so real
I thought that maybe, God is playing with my mind oh my!
Or maybe it’s just me, thinking that I could be so damn lucky

Oh why.. Oh why… oh why oh why
No you tell me

Chorus : Time stops when you kiss me with your lips
I Hope it last for as long as we live…
You painted all my life, like my dream had all come true
You made my feet warmed up with yours
I love it when you love all me
I’m so damn lucky!

And now before me,
I can see so clearly, bright blue sky oo h
I see us standing in the wide horizon in my eyes
Oh my Oh my…

Chorus : Time stops when you kiss me with your lips
I Hope it last for as long as we live…
You painted all my life, like my dream had all come true
You made my feet warmed up with yours
I love it when you love all me
I’m so damn lucky! Im so damn lucky!

Oo…
you could be the one Be my shining star
Oo.. oo.
I will promise you this, for as long as I live…..

Chorus : Time stops when you kiss me with your lips
I Hope it last for as long as we live…
You painted all my life, like my dream had all come true
You made my feet warmed up with yours
I love it when you love all me
I’m so damn lucky! I’m so damn lucky!

when you kiss me with your lips
I Hope it last for as long as we live…
You painted all my life, like my dream had all come true
You made my feet warmed up with yours
I love it when you love all me
I’m so damn lucky!

The True Road of Fame

I was told so many times ... how much I am so lucky to have lived the life as a singer a.k.a ARTIST .... since I won the reality TV talent show which was the first in Malaysia, I cant deny how much this thing was a BIG deal for a small village girl like me to be discovered by music producers in the big city. No doubt the starting was an amazing experience. And there is no way I would trade that for other memories. As far as I know , the path I chose has taken me where I am now ... And so far I am happier than ever.

When I came to Kuala Lumpur for the 1st time, I had no idea on how life would treat me and how I will handle it. I just turned to 20, when I first had a glimpsed of the magnificent KL that everybody was talking about. For me, looking at the sky rise building around KL was an amazing feeling. And I keep asking myself, how the hell did I get here? Is this real?

Me and the other 4 winners of POPSTARS Malaysia was placed in Prince Hotel Service apartment for like 3 months. It was pleasure, glamour and glory at that time. We had money handed out for us .. and fresh bed sheets and towels prepared for us whenever we came back from shooting for the TV show. It was heaven ... Felling like Kings and Queens... having our rooms made up after trashing it the night before.

And then fast forward ... 3 months later, we were thrown into the real world. We had to find a place to stay and pay for our own rent. source of income, shows and gigs. We had it great at that particular time .... being centre of attention, we were the 1st reality TV talents in Malaysia.

I dont know about the other members, but I felt a bit out of place ... I remember the time I was looking at my photos and thinking OMG! look how white my face is comapring my neck! - yes , I was in the midst of learning how to put on bloody make up! But overall we were hanging out with important people and attending important events still.

And then ding Ding Ding!!! really check!

Lets just say after that theres a lot of waiting, kissing asses and down graded. I have to say, I am amazed why everybody think that it was too glamourous with having the title of an artist. especially those that is chasing the wrong kind of dreams ..... It is hard. I have been there... there is nothing easy, especially when all eyes on you and everybody expecting too much from you... God Damn! this is not the state! they cant sing they can even make millions ... in Malaysia, they dont even care you can sing for shit, its a Dog eat Dog world. You bite when ure down .. and you still have to bite when you're up.

I remembered I was still trying .... finishing my solo album with the help of my label. they believed in me ... but too bad the industry was to bad it just made me thinking. "is it worth to spend my life here begging for leftovers?"...... I finished the project and I poured my soul into it...

but I was just not happy and satisfied .... I cant be anyone in the eyes of these blood sucking people ...Never.

I remembered multiple times ... I had to think 5 times to buy a new dress or a something that I really need or desire. I had money, but not enough to spend. I just had enough to help cover next month's expenses. Struggling and crying almost every nights .... looking at my youthful life, watching others enjoying a night out or nice fancy dinner.

You wonder why others can make it??? well if its not because they're living with their parents ..... or having to be a little bit fortunate than the independent artist makes their life a little more easier to survive.

So then I decide to change my path into something else. And so here I am, still holding on from far away. At least I realised now, I can still do what I am good at from where I stand. Because I can do it my way and I can actually do it.

I was just talking to few of my fellow struggling friends in this industry. They, like me.. have been UP there... but now they realised how hard it is to stay up there. So, all I can say is that always think why are you doing what you are doing. never do everything for others .. Make yourself the priority before others. Be happy and fulfill your dream the way you want it.

Last but not the least. Anyone who wants to be in this line .... I wish you all Good luck...and I hope God will give his blessing upon all of you ....

And I, as just a girl who wants something BIG, will always think the best for myself. And thus I am inviting everybody to walk along with me .I am still reaching for my dreams of passion. So go and realised yours as well.. Remember, life is tough... but hopes and dreams may come true ... If you want it hard enough, you will see the whole world conspiring to help you achieve it....

Sayang Kinabalu - Nenad Zrnic

This is nenad and I thought him how to sing "Sayang Kinabalu". He impressed me quite a lot, not only for his singing but every effort he makes to learn this song for me ... :) which is sooooo sweet .... he is actually so shy , but because of me he sings it and made me so proud ! just wanna share to my fellow friends and all ... enjoy !

Spending My Own

As you guys know I am in the midst of creating my upcoming 2nd solo album ( hopefully ) that will be a source of my promises that I have made not only to my fellow supporters but most importantly myself ....

And next week, I hope I get to finish my 1st song which I call "So Damn Lucky" with Greg.

As you can see this is as much money I am spending for this song and to actually make this song happen... not including the time and money I spent to actually get my ass there in the first place.

I just hope that when the album is out , no one! ( at least the people that actually care and sincerely want to support me and should support me ) ask for a free copy of it ...... Cos face it guys .... we don't do all this hard work just to have people dragging you down under and suck out the blood out of you.

The old times are fine. They dont involve my money at all... Yeah, I worked damn hard for it ... but hey... not as much as I am working on my second album now ...... my own sweat and blood ... my own accounts and everything my way ......

The only thing that I would ask is, don't say you're on my back if all you can do is say it... If you wan a free copy ... well let me just say .. this is how much of my hard work and effort you "Flushing" down the toilet... my whole hopes and dreams.. and all that hard work. If you really mean it ... then say it.... if you're just saying it... .save it ....

I just hope I wont be disappointed again .... and this time .... please consider what I am working for ..